Perspective

What’s that saying about experience is something you don’t get ‘till after you need it?

You could say the same of perspective. It’d be nice to have sooner I suppose.

But I feel l gained some good perspective on something last year.

Growing up I never spent much time around older folks or interacting with them.
Being a rather uptight community with a CR Church around every corner (there’s a joke about spitting in there) there always seemed to be some barriers between kids and adults and elders.
It was very strongly implied (and spoken) “Kids are seen and not heard”
So I never really developed good conversation skills when it came to my elders.
Plus it was always implied that any adult knew what was best for you. That caused a rude awakening when I got my first college summer job working in a factory with lifers.

I’ve always been a bit envious of friends who could instantly develop a relaxed rapport with older adults and knew how to treat them respectfully. Just never developed that as a kid where I grew up.


A) Back this spring when I was recovering from acute appendicitis I had a follow up appt with the surgeon. As usual the office of the urologist had a high concentration of elderly.
By the time of this appointment I had recovered from the collapsed intestine and resulting bloating (caused by the pain meds) but the massive treatment of antibiotics was kicking my ass (found out at the appointment that why I was so exhausted and not hungry was from the Antibiotics).
I can very clearly remember looking at the distance from the truck to the front door and not really being ready to summon up the energy to cover that distance (say 90feet), and just then noticing an elderly gentleman dropping his wife off at the door. Ah yes, an “Aha moment” of shame. See, I will recover before too long (I hoped) but that’s a daily realization for them, it won’t get much better.
Once I made the trek inside, seated at the waiting area, I was in pretty rough shape (comparatively). Out of breath, cold sweats, nausea. I wondered, is this common for them too? And wondered how many of them graciously hide it.
Upon leaving I saw yet more folks making that “long” walk to the door. I resolved later that day during my slow time of convalescence, I would try to remember as often as possible to stop (or race ahead) of the elderly or infirm and geez at least hold the door for them for Pete’s sake. And try to get better at it as time passes. I do think I have managed to keep that resolve for the most part. My old childhood training that created that wall jumps up but I override it as much as I can.

B) Shortly after my shoulder reconstruction, another “Aha Moment” occurred. I had just reached the point of being able to go part of the day without my brace on during the day (about 3.5 weeks post op). That particular day we had gotten one of the first early freezes/light snows and upon arriving home from work the driveway was still covered with a thin layer of snow and some hidden black ice. I was being careful and I still didn’t spot the ice. Now remember, after years of MA training I’d like to think I’ve got pretty good balance and rarely fall. And in those instances where I have fallen, my Hapkido training has saved my ass pretty well.
So, I didn’t fall this time. Caught my balance pretty well but unconsciously jerked my shoulder back pretty fast (not the hand as that would result in a break for certain) to regain balance. Interesting fact is one of the highest incidences of hand breakage is due to snowboarders falling backwards and breaking the metatarsals due to the bad instinct we all have to put that hand down. They actually make wrist braces to prevent it for snowboarders.
But I can tell you that shoulder sure hurt like hell and I was really worried I had hurt something for certain. After the pain subsided with my daily snuggle with the icebag I had another realization. If I had fallen, it would have been REALLY, REALLY BAD despite my previous training. I was really not being as carful as I should have been. And here’s the aha moment. I will get better but to be elderly is to be in fear (or at least conscious) of this possibility at all times, when leaving the house into unfamiliar territory and OH MAN especially during the winter. Talking with my Physical Therapist when there is severe weather predicted, due to his large percentage of elderly clients, he sees a dramatic increase in cancellations, they just don’t want to go out. Oh hell no, I wouldn’t either.

C) Doors that are hard to open. Now that I have the use of both arms, I really don’t have much strength in my primary arm. Surgeon limited me to 5lbs lifting (yeah, I break it). But as I build up the strength through PT to use the arm properly (due to the previous condition I had developed some bad compensations), I’ve become very aware of just how hard to push/pull open a great many doors are. I constantly have to stop midway and switch hands. It’s really something I think many people take for granted. But again, I will get better and stronger. But eventually, I will get weak too(hopefully a long time away). I don’t have a solution for this one but I think my resolution from A is a step in the right directions.

So please remember when you’re rushing up to the door at the store, look around for someone not quite as physically capable as you and just spend the few extra seconds to hold the door or make sure they make it safely inside.
The time spent is really not that significant and the good karma earned sure can’t be a waste. They might not appreciate it (but probably will appreciate the offer) and after all, character is what you do when no one notices (or something like that). Soon enough we’ll all have that same perspective.